A typical lunch hour in London:
Walking onto Blackfriars Bridge, avoiding the closed pavements due to station refurbishment, I walk past Bobby Gillespie, singer in popular blues and electronica group Primal Scream. There is no mistaking Gillespie, he always appears incredibly greasy and gaunt, a man who has had an eventful life and could be very […]
He is waiting in the sky and he is going to dump a ton of snow on the roads and pavements.
Oh yes, it looks like the world has ended. In all my years of living in the capital I have never seen anything like this. The ground is covered in over a foot of weird […]
Ooooh, what a palaver. Apologies for being absent for a few days, I have been carrying out my on call duty as a Russell Brand body-double diversion device.
I have been rather busy impersonating the celebrity clown ponse. As the media chase the long haired chap around London I lead them in the opposite direction. Not […]
During my daily trek up and down London’s Fleet Street I was presented with a rather unusual sight - one that I usually encounter in the dank cack-stained Victorian streets of Whitechapel. As I strolled past the McDonalds and the Starbucks I noticed a man approaching. He was very tall, well built and quite handsome, […]
Following my near crush yesterday I was later confronted with scenes of utter chaos on the streets of East London. During my walk home I was shocked to discover that society had broken down and people had reverted to base savagery and craziness. I later found out that this was Eid ul-Fitr, the Muslim holiday […]
Reports are coming over the wires that at least 125 people have been killed in a stampede at a Hindu temple in the northern Indian state of Rajasthan. A wall near the temple is said to have collapsed, causing panic among thousands of gathered devotees. This is a tragedy and I assure you I am […]
Guess who I saw the other day. Go on, guess will ya? No, it was not that celebrity drug taker and wastrel Pete Doherty, for a change.
I was walking along Queen Victoria Street in the City. Where the road meets Cannon Street, outside the abandoned Burger King next to Mansion House underground station and over […]
During my weekly shop, at Sainsbury’s in Whitechapel, I struggled to the checkout with a basket full of wine, carrots and oranges. All payment points were busy but I settled on the one which appeared to be the fastest moving.
However, I did not notice that I had situated myself behind a very old and frail […]
New figures released today by the Home Office show that Taser use is on the increase. The devices were used 159 times and discharged 26 times in the last three months. Since the Taser was first introduced in England and Wales in April 2004 they have been used 2,662 times.
These figures only account for use […]
I was stopped in my tracks again on my morning walk a few days ago. As I was passing the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel a man pounced from the entrance door steps. He did a crazy star jump and landed directly in front of me, legs akimbo and arms skywards. He had on a […]