Ooooh, what a palaver. Apologies for being absent for a few days, I have been carrying out my on call duty as a Russell Brand body-double diversion device.
I have been rather busy impersonating the celebrity clown ponse. As the media chase the long haired chap around London I lead them in the opposite direction. Not […]
During my daily trek up and down London’s Fleet Street I was presented with a rather unusual sight - one that I usually encounter in the dank cack-stained Victorian streets of Whitechapel. As I strolled past the McDonalds and the Starbucks I noticed a man approaching. He was very tall, well built and quite handsome, […]
Following my near crush yesterday I was later confronted with scenes of utter chaos on the streets of East London. During my walk home I was shocked to discover that society had broken down and people had reverted to base savagery and craziness. I later found out that this was Eid ul-Fitr, the Muslim holiday […]
Reports are coming over the wires that at least 125 people have been killed in a stampede at a Hindu temple in the northern Indian state of Rajasthan. A wall near the temple is said to have collapsed, causing panic among thousands of gathered devotees. This is a tragedy and I assure you I am […]
Guess who I saw the other day. Go on, guess will ya? No, it was not that celebrity drug taker and wastrel Pete Doherty, for a change.
I was walking along Queen Victoria Street in the City. Where the road meets Cannon Street, outside the abandoned Burger King next to Mansion House underground station and over […]
During my weekly shop, at Sainsbury’s in Whitechapel, I struggled to the checkout with a basket full of wine, carrots and oranges. All payment points were busy but I settled on the one which appeared to be the fastest moving.
However, I did not notice that I had situated myself behind a very old and frail […]
New figures released today by the Home Office show that Taser use is on the increase. The devices were used 159 times and discharged 26 times in the last three months. Since the Taser was first introduced in England and Wales in April 2004 they have been used 2,662 times.
These figures only account for use […]
I was stopped in my tracks again on my morning walk a few days ago. As I was passing the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel a man pounced from the entrance door steps. He did a crazy star jump and landed directly in front of me, legs akimbo and arms skywards. He had on a […]
The crazies were out in force this morning. The filthy, smelly, spit-covered Whitechapel streets were being patrolled by the mental and the drunk. It is often frightening. There were tribes of disgusting, ugly men and women sprawled all over the pavements, lying in their own sick and screaming at the world.
There is one particularly unpleasant […]
Cor blimey it’s hot. It really is. It’s a piece-a-hot hot hot. The intense heat makes a number of simple activities extremely difficult. Sleeping is a near impossible affair. The night is spent tossing, turning and sweating, having vivid nightmares about exams and only managing thirty minutes of shut eye.
Walking - the infamous nutters of […]