Napoleon Fantastic recently mentioned he has had some difficulty with his neighbours. They have been throwing empty beer cans over the fence into his well kept garden. It is a disgrace and oh so selfish and rude. But I feel Nap should thank his lucky stars when it comes to neighbours. I have not had […]
I am now being pestered and pursued by an altogether different George. This one is of the Galloway variety. The Scottish politician, author and celebrity fool has been following me around London. He currently represents the Respect party for the Bethnal Green and Bow constituency, my constituency. I must admit that I did not vote […]
What you really need at four in the morning is for someone to incessantly ring your entry-phone door buzzer. Not just once or twice but over and over again, for over ten minutes. Usually, I will just ignore such intrusive behaviour; it will be a drunk or a tramp or my ex.
However, the buzzing was […]
I returned to my flat to discover the front door ajar. I live alone so this was a real shock. I had a terrible sinking feeling of dismay and trepidation as my sphincter shrank to the size of a pea. I have been burgled before and I can assure you that it is a horrible […]
I would like the opportunity to wholeheartedly thank the gracious individual who took a dump upon my front step. What a wondrous feeling it was to exit my front door on a beautiful winter’s morning to step, slap dab, into human excrement. Oh, the joy I felt as I tried to scrap the vicious smelling […]
I have new neighbours in the flat above me. I have not met them yet, and I do not believe I ever shall. It is very much the London way to never meet one’s neighbours. I do not even know who lives next door to me – but I do hear their constant playing of […]
Now then Mr Fantastic, I do believe that someone has a birthday today. Could it be your good self? I think it is. Hooray!!!! Time to open a bottle of champagne and a bag of salted peanuts. Let’s jump up and down and issue primal screams. Run in circles and pat a hairy dog. Time […]
It only takes a little bit of sunshine for all the nutcases in London to come out to play. Oh, won’t you come out to play? It is still bleak mid-winter but we have had a couple of spring-type days, perfect weather to spend a day in the park.
Tramps and nutters awaken in their stinking […]
I witnessed a young lad being knocked over by a SUV this morning. He was walking behind it and the driver decided to reverse into the main road without looking. Bonk! The lad went down. He got right back up, dusted himself off and continued on his way as though nothing had happened. The driver […]