The crazies were out in force this morning. The filthy, smelly, spit-covered Whitechapel streets were being patrolled by the mental and the drunk. It is often frightening. There were tribes of disgusting, ugly men and women sprawled all over the pavements, lying in their own sick and screaming at the world.
There is one particularly unpleasant […]
Cor blimey it’s hot. It really is. It’s a piece-a-hot hot hot. The intense heat makes a number of simple activities extremely difficult. Sleeping is a near impossible affair. The night is spent tossing, turning and sweating, having vivid nightmares about exams and only managing thirty minutes of shut eye.
Walking - the infamous nutters of […]
Walking down Whitechapel High Street recently I saw an unusual altercation outside the Citroen dealership, the one next to the East London Mosque. There was an incident involving a woman and a street cleaner, a career position now referred to as a ‘Visual Urban Hygiene Technician’. The man with the brush was a filthy looking […]
I had a night out with my gay friend Pedro the other night. I have known Pedro for a couple of years and he is a really nice bloke; mild mannered, intelligent and a little shy and inhibited. However, once he has imbibed a few ales he becomes overly camp, gesticulating wildly and grabbing men’s […]
I do not understand why random members of the public continue to assume that my name is Wayne Carr. That is not my name. I do not understand.
As I walk along the streets of Olde London Town, both gentlemen and ladies call to me, believing my name to be of the Carr variety. They stand […]
Napoleon Fantastic recently mentioned he has had some difficulty with his neighbours. They have been throwing empty beer cans over the fence into his well kept garden. It is a disgrace and oh so selfish and rude. But I feel Nap should thank his lucky stars when it comes to neighbours. I have not had […]
I am now being pestered and pursued by an altogether different George. This one is of the Galloway variety. The Scottish politician, author and celebrity fool has been following me around London. He currently represents the Respect party for the Bethnal Green and Bow constituency, my constituency. I must admit that I did not vote […]
What you really need at four in the morning is for someone to incessantly ring your entry-phone door buzzer. Not just once or twice but over and over again, for over ten minutes. Usually, I will just ignore such intrusive behaviour; it will be a drunk or a tramp or my ex.
However, the buzzing was […]
I returned to my flat to discover the front door ajar. I live alone so this was a real shock. I had a terrible sinking feeling of dismay and trepidation as my sphincter shrank to the size of a pea. I have been burgled before and I can assure you that it is a horrible […]