“Hello Mr Garazy, I need you keys for flat.”
“Hi Mr Chan, what do you mean?”
“I need you keys so I can get in you flat.”
“Why do you need to get into my flat?”
“I want me looky round you flat.”
“Why?”
“Just want looky round.”
“There must be a reason.”
“Just give me key I check.”
“Check what?”
“JUST GIVE ME KEY.”
“I’m […]
Reports suggest that a certain sex pest, who threatened to break my face with a pint glass, has been arrested. This makes me rather glib because he is an excuse for a human being and an evil predator. The incident occurred during the wedding of one of his closest childhood friends. Pest was the best […]
It was with intense trepidation that I walked up to the gates outside work for my confrontation with the sex pest. I was stood in the spitting rain, with only a couple of smokers for company. I decided to give the pest five minutes and then I would return to my desk, settled in the […]
I have just had a disturbing threat from the sex pest.
I was sat at my desk when I noticed someone had sidled up behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a distorted simulacrum of a face. Turning around I was repulsed by the sight of the pest’s deformed grin. He was […]
I am happy to announce that the unpleasant events of Friday evening were in no way my fault. After talking to a few people in the office it turns out that the person who threatened me has a reputation for being a sex predator. This is great news because I am now exonerated of any […]
Well, my Friday evening of loving possibility rapidly descended into disappointment and frustration, with an extra helping of violence and threat. I ran away and nothing happened. I told you so.
I was just reaching the optimum moment of opportunity to start my suave move; it was late, there were not many people around and I […]
I do not understand why random members of the public continue to assume that my name is Wayne Carr. That is not my name. I do not understand.
As I walk along the streets of Olde London Town, both gentlemen and ladies call to me, believing my name to be of the Carr variety. They stand […]
Napoleon Fantastic recently mentioned he has had some difficulty with his neighbours. They have been throwing empty beer cans over the fence into his well kept garden. It is a disgrace and oh so selfish and rude. But I feel Nap should thank his lucky stars when it comes to neighbours. I have not had […]
What you really need at four in the morning is for someone to incessantly ring your entry-phone door buzzer. Not just once or twice but over and over again, for over ten minutes. Usually, I will just ignore such intrusive behaviour; it will be a drunk or a tramp or my ex.
However, the buzzing was […]
Rumours suggest that at a recent work do both the Jazz Muppet and George Dawkins got it on, in a sexy, jiggy manner. Remember both of them? Jazz Muppet is the sales geezer who keeps badgering and bullying me and George Dawkins is the spectacularly dumb Australian girl who sits behind me in the office.
On […]