I awoke in the middle of the night covered in sweat and screaming. What could have happened to cause such a reaction? Was there a man stood at the end of the bed? Had a meteorite smashed through the window? Was I having another unfortunate bowel incident? Then I remembered – A-level results.
Today students in […]
I did the crazy thing of ordering items over the internet a couple of weeks ago. I had the vague hope that they would be delivered to me. Thousands of people do this daily. So why oh why have I had such a problem and still not received my goods?
I am not going to name […]
For a while I lived ten stories up in a penthouse flat on Kingsland Road in Shoreditch. Being on the top floor I was able to crawl out of the window, shuffle along a tiny ledge and then climb up a small ladder. Positioning myself on the roof I had an amazing view of central […]
I was rather upset to discover that my good buddy Busby is moving to New York. He will be on a six month placement as a games designer for a popular entertainment software company. He is rather nervous about this geographical displacement. Busby has never visited the States before and he is under the impression […]
Recently a woman successfully sued a footwear manufacturer for damages. She was wearing her new pair of high glamour shoes and the heel snapped off. This led to her losing her balance and breaking her ankle. The brake was so severe she needed surgery and metal pins were placed in her bones, ruining a budding […]
Do you ever feel like every day is just the same?
The new working week dawns and one is wishing for the end of the week. The work never changes, the routine never wavers. It is the same drudgery day-in and day-out. As one day seeps into the next you just wish your life away. Before […]
“Hello Mr Garazy, I need you keys for flat.”
“Hi Mr Chan, what do you mean?”
“I need you keys so I can get in you flat.”
“Why do you need to get into my flat?”
“I want me looky round you flat.”
“Why?”
“Just want looky round.”
“There must be a reason.”
“Just give me key I check.”
“Check what?”
“JUST GIVE ME KEY.”
“I’m […]
I have just had a disturbing threat from the sex pest.
I was sat at my desk when I noticed someone had sidled up behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a distorted simulacrum of a face. Turning around I was repulsed by the sight of the pest’s deformed grin. He was […]
Today I have been mostly thinking:
“Nothing ever bloody anything bloody ever.”
So there.
I was at my mother’s house, looking through the window of my old bedroom, which looked out onto the back garden. On the grass was stood a stooped old woman, with a blue rinse and a little active terrier, happily running around her feet. The woman was wearing a large black overcoat, with a furry […]