A number of my closest friends and I were recently invited to a party. It was billed as a “Wear a Fancy Dress” party. I am always up for one of these and they are becoming increasingly popular in that London. We all trotted off to a pub on the South Bank, called the Founders […]
Cor blimey it’s hot. It really is. It’s a piece-a-hot hot hot. The intense heat makes a number of simple activities extremely difficult. Sleeping is a near impossible affair. The night is spent tossing, turning and sweating, having vivid nightmares about exams and only managing thirty minutes of shut eye.
Walking - the infamous nutters of […]
I am on the brink of making a very big decision that will change my entire life. No, I am not planning on getting a sex change or a face transplant, although some would say I need one. I may be moving out of London to live in the East Midlands. This would put me […]
A few years ago my band played a gig near Nottingham. At the time we were called The Johnsons and we were playing in the palatial environs of Woolaton Park. It was a lovely balmy summer’s day in August. We were honoured to have a guest appearance from Enormous frontman Davy Lawrence on drum, that’s […]
Recently a woman successfully sued a footwear manufacturer for damages. She was wearing her new pair of high glamour shoes and the heel snapped off. This led to her losing her balance and breaking her ankle. The brake was so severe she needed surgery and metal pins were placed in her bones, ruining a budding […]
“Hello Mr Garazy, I need you keys for flat.”
“Hi Mr Chan, what do you mean?”
“I need you keys so I can get in you flat.”
“Why do you need to get into my flat?”
“I want me looky round you flat.”
“Why?”
“Just want looky round.”
“There must be a reason.”
“Just give me key I check.”
“Check what?”
“JUST GIVE ME KEY.”
“I’m […]
It was with intense trepidation that I walked up to the gates outside work for my confrontation with the sex pest. I was stood in the spitting rain, with only a couple of smokers for company. I decided to give the pest five minutes and then I would return to my desk, settled in the […]
I had to face George this morning and tell him I am not prepared to play any part in his sick Paul Young cover versions band. As he stood before me in his tinsel wig and bowler hat I saw a little white tear form at the corner of his eye. His head was lowered […]
I returned to my flat to discover the front door ajar. I live alone so this was a real shock. I had a terrible sinking feeling of dismay and trepidation as my sphincter shrank to the size of a pea. I have been burgled before and I can assure you that it is a horrible […]