When I was a small boy one Paul Francis Gadd asked me repeatedly if I wanted to join his gang. At the time a tin foil suit and platform heels seemed like an intriguing proposition.
With a hairbrush in place of a microphone, sticky play felt replacing facial side-burns, wide corduroy flares with a patch on […]
Why oh why have all the members of staff for London Underground, that I have come into contact with, been so rude? Do they receive special training in the art of unpleasantness? Or is it something they work hard at, developing their gruff unapproachable exterior over time? Or have I only had dealings with a […]
I awoke in the middle of the night covered in sweat and screaming. What could have happened to cause such a reaction? Was there a man stood at the end of the bed? Had a meteorite smashed through the window? Was I having another unfortunate bowel incident? Then I remembered – A-level results.
Today students in […]
I did the crazy thing of ordering items over the internet a couple of weeks ago. I had the vague hope that they would be delivered to me. Thousands of people do this daily. So why oh why have I had such a problem and still not received my goods?
I am not going to name […]
The world of t-shirt logos can be a very dangerous and disruptive place. It is so very easy to offend with some off hand printed japery. Sometimes these logos are just totally bizarre – obviously created by the mind of a crazy person and worn by similarly unstable individuals.
Walking over the Millennium Bridge this morning […]
New figures released today by the Home Office show that Taser use is on the increase. The devices were used 159 times and discharged 26 times in the last three months. Since the Taser was first introduced in England and Wales in April 2004 they have been used 2,662 times.
These figures only account for use […]
The crazies were out in force this morning. The filthy, smelly, spit-covered Whitechapel streets were being patrolled by the mental and the drunk. It is often frightening. There were tribes of disgusting, ugly men and women sprawled all over the pavements, lying in their own sick and screaming at the world.
There is one particularly unpleasant […]
Cor blimey it’s hot. It really is. It’s a piece-a-hot hot hot. The intense heat makes a number of simple activities extremely difficult. Sleeping is a near impossible affair. The night is spent tossing, turning and sweating, having vivid nightmares about exams and only managing thirty minutes of shut eye.
Walking - the infamous nutters of […]
Walking down Whitechapel High Street recently I saw an unusual altercation outside the Citroen dealership, the one next to the East London Mosque. There was an incident involving a woman and a street cleaner, a career position now referred to as a ‘Visual Urban Hygiene Technician’. The man with the brush was a filthy looking […]
It has now officially been over a week of constantly getting wet. Every time I go outside, which I try to keep to a minimum, it has rained . . . heavily. This is not a new thing, I have always had a big black rain cloud hovering directly above my lovely head. It has […]