Walking down The Cut the other day I saw what appeared to be a mental person swerving straight for me, as they do. Upon closer inspection I realised it was my friend and sexy man actor Jude Law.
He was hardly recognisable, with wild hair, dirty and crumpled clothes and mad bloodshot eyes. He was obviously full of nervous energy, excitement and paranoia. He could not stop bobbing his head and wringing his hands.
I know the Law because he came to me for advice whilst making his new film, in which he plays a tranny. I assume he has recently been involved in some hot theatre action at either the Old or New Vic, explaining his presence in this part of London.
I welcomed him with a smile and a wink but he conspiratorially manhandled me into an alleyway next to the Windmill pub. He put his lips to my ear, I could feel his warm shallow breath on my face and the smell of whisky, cheddar and pickled onions was paramount. A large blue vain throbbed on his forehead as he held me tightly against a filthy obscene graffiti covered wall.
I was expecting a drunken kiss but, through clenched teeth, he whispered, “Nelson, do not believe everything you read on the Internet. It is a stream of mis-information and untruths. Remember: Information is not knowledge.”
He pushed me away and walked into the road, narrowly avoiding oncoming traffic. I saw him enter a kebab shop. There was a scream and a woman fainted.
One Comment
Can you remember that time we got drunk in that pub on Noel Street with Jude Law and Phil Daniels?
You ended up having a scrap with Jude out on the street if my memory serves me correctly. You were trying to hit him and he just stood there laughing at you.
You fought the Law and the Law won.