Wow, celebrities man, they are flipping maniac monsters dude. I thought I was a wild and crazy kind of guy but the unruly activities of various band members and singers last night pushed my drunken behaviour into irrelevance.
The Shockwaves NME Awards 2009 culminated in the throwing of burgers, beer and Champaign and this kind of silliness is totally unacceptable. My lovely skimpy shiny frock and killer heels were covered in grease, tomato source, Carling and red wine. Total debauchery.
On a positive note I have to say that The Cure were great. They played for a full 40 minutes and wheeled out all the old hits. The audience arose from their damaged chairs to give them a standing ovation. I just gave them the clap. Franz Ferdinand were brilliant also, but then they always are.
When Oasis won the award for Best British Band, or some such, there was deafening and prolonged booing from both invited guests and punters. This surprises me because I really like their new album, especially ‘The Shock of the Lightening’ with its repeated Indian chant of “Alin-ga-time”.
I am disappointed with myself though. I acted out of character by being a well behaved superstar, rather than a drunken attention grabbing diva bitch. Other minor members of the modern rock and indie combos were on their backs on the tables, trousers round ankles, having Champaign poured into their mouths by The Saturdays, legs akimbo and gusset in mouth.
I sat quietly at my table listening to the rest of The Donovans of Trash complain how rubbish modern new fangled music is and how ill behaved the youth of today have become. It was not like this in their day; award events were civilized dinner jacketed affairs with buckets of amphetamine and red wine followed by a quick shuffle with a model.
I did not win any extended middle finger trophies but then neither did Glasvegas. I did however leave with my dignity intact, oh and my shoes, underpants and teeth – unlike last time.
If anybody is off to see The Cure, Franz Ferdinand, Crystal Castles and White Lies tonight at the O2 Arena then I will see you at the bar.
4 Comments
God I used to love The Cure. Especially Love Cats. And now my kids look like RObert Smith when they get hold of my lipliner. Sighhhhh.
And I love Franz Ferdinand too. Hope you had a wicked time Nel. Mwah.
Audrey sometimes looks like RObert Smith when she’s chasing after rabbits.
How I used to love those shuffles with models. Sigh.
Does Audrey wear lipstick too? Jo, if you children do look like Robert Smith then I am truely sorry. Have you seen him? He looks like a mop with lips. Still, that’s better than looking like Andrew Lloyd Webber.