I was stopped in my tracks again on my morning walk a few days ago. As I was passing the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel a man pounced from the entrance door steps. He did a crazy star jump and landed directly in front of me, legs akimbo and arms skywards. He had on a fluorescent yellow baseball cap, baggy jeans and a New York t-shirt, odd considering he appeared to be aged around sixty. He was tall, stooping slightly with his arms dangling awkwardly in front of him and his legs were bowed.
“Nelson?” he shouted amiably as he attempted to hug me. I backed away from his grabbing fists and asked how he knew me. “It’s me Nelson, Napoleon’s bessy mate, ya know . . . me . . . Reg.”
“Reg? Oh, Reg.” My sudden recognition led to an unexpected intake of breath, whereupon I swallowed a fly. Reg thumped me on the back as I tried to cough up the bacteria laden insect.
“I know you always walk down this road so I thought I’d surprise you.”
“You certainly did that Reg, I nearly choked to death on insect life.”
“I have come to visit you old boy, I thought we could party like it’s 1999 and meet some lovely ladies in the more salubrious fleshspots of old London Town.”
The thought of partying with this sixty year old hip-hop attired stranger made me shiver in the hot sunshine. Reg went on to explain that he was in London for the premier of the new X Files movie. He had accidentally arrived a day early and needed somewhere to stay.
“You were the first person I thought of good buddy. We will have a great time.”
“It is a bit difficult I’m afraid Reg. I really do not have any room in my flat and the painters and decorators are in, oh and I’m moving . . . probably. Look Reg, I am just so very busy. I’m sorry.”
“No problem Nel, I know where David Duchovny is staying, or I may give Gillian Anderson a call. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
Quietly whistling the X Files theme tune he slowly made his way to Whitechapel tube station, his head was lowered and legs bowed. He made me think of giant apes. It seemed obvious that he was lying but there was the slight chance he did know these stars and was off to enjoy some kind of glamorous post-screening paranormal party. I wanted to believe.
3 Comments
He didn’t tell me he was planning on asking you to put him up.
You should have been more accommodating, Nelson. He’s a fascinating character, is old Reg. Knows some funny jokes, too.
He may know some jokes but he looked like a total mentalist. Would you let him stay with you?
No.