Nelson Galaxy

Canoe death scam couple, John and Anne Darwin, have been jailed for more than six years and have had their assets frozen in an attempt to recover £250,000 they conned out of insurance firms. It was deception on a grand scale. I too have been party to a despicable deception.

I once met a tall, blonde, beautiful supermodel called Sakulia. She was amazing, with legs to the ceiling and the face of an angel. She needed a place to stay so I took her in and we became a couple. I provided her shelter, food, clothes and spending money. We were great together, gallivanting around that London, two beautiful glamorous creatures of the night. Celebrities and the beautiful ones bowed at our feet and worshipped at our temple of love.

She was strange though. Oh so very odd. Something was definitely not quite right about her and I don’t just mean her teeth. After being together for six months she admitted her deep dark secret - she was not human. She originally came from the planet Finnlaskia, a dying world with a dwindling water supply. She was here to make some money, using her looks and musical acumen to find a way of saving her home world.

Sakulia told me how she had hoped I would provide her a monetary fortune to develop technology to transport water from the earth into the Andromeda sector. However, she rapidly discovered that the meagre savings I had were not enough for such an ambitious venture.

After she had cleared out my bank account she moved away to find a more profitable partner, her dream of being a philanthropic saviour still intact. However, the last I heard was that she was unhappily living the life of a housewife and mother with a very rich abusive City working husband. She was slowly drinking herself into oblivion. The lure of money had corrupted her in a very human way.

Women eh? Can’t live with ‘em and you don’t even know if they are human.