Nelson Galaxy

It has now officially been over a week of constantly getting wet. Every time I go outside, which I try to keep to a minimum, it has rained . . . heavily. This is not a new thing, I have always had a big black rain cloud hovering directly above my lovely head. It has become a little bit of a joke. Sunny sky, I step outside, I create rain. I could bring relief to drought stricken parts of the world.

I have therefore tried to limit the amount of time I go outside, I do not want to ruin it for everyone else. All I can say is that if you see me in the open air then run indoors, there’s a downpour a-coming. I pop out to the shop – rain. Walk to work – rain. Off to the pub - rain. Walk the dog – rain. It plays havoc with my hair.

However, there is something which makes the rainy weather extra special - umbrellas. There is no better experience than walking through the financial heart of London when umbrellas are extended. The usual City gent has the need to carry an unfeasibly large brolly, one that could easily shelter a whole community. I think it may be some power thing or a lack of manhood.

How I laugh as I am stopped in my tracks by these selfish suited fellows, can’t get past ‘em and can’t get around ‘em. I will often arrive at work, trousers and shoes drenched, with blood pouring out of my skull and eyes after incessantly being jabbed by razor sharp pieces of brolly metal. Little do they know that I now carry a poison tipped um. Brella brella.