Nelson Galaxy

Reports suggest that a certain sex pest, who threatened to break my face with a pint glass, has been arrested. This makes me rather glib because he is an excuse for a human being and an evil predator. The incident occurred during the wedding of one of his closest childhood friends. Pest was the best man, seeing off his dearest friend on the bumpy voyage of marriage.

The day had been very successful with lots of hearty fun, celebration and love, until the police were called that is. The Pest was bundled into the back of a police van and now faces charges of violence, intimidation and threatening behaviour. The groom will not talk to him again and he may have to spend time in prison or pay a large fine.

So, what happened? Was he arrested for being oh so very ugly and so stupid and arrogant? No, the silly sausage was just up to his old tricks. This time he got caught.

During the ceremony Pest thought he would put his animal magnetism to work on the bride. This elephant man was trying to catch her eye and was taking any opportunity to brush past her in an intimate manner.

As the vows were swapped Pest stepped up to the alter to ceremonially pass the bride’s ring to the groom, a real ring on the finger moment. It was here that he took the opportunity to place his hand firmly on the backside of the bride, who gave a little squeal of surprise and disgust.

The groom looked embarrassed and outraged; he must have known something like this would happen. He confronted the Pest during the reception. Family and friends watched the groom as he berated his friend. He was expressing his disbelief that these predatory habits had been directed towards his now wife. During the tirade Pest’s hand slowly slid along the upper part of the bride’s stocking clad thigh.

The inevitable eruption occurred with shouting, crying, flying glasses and food and punches. The priest had to restrain Pest, pinning him to the debris strewn floor. Pest grabbed a broken champaign glass and threatened to embed the crystal into the priest’s face. As a shard of glass jerked menacingly, inches from the eye of the priest, the police were called.

Divine retribution me thinks.