I have just had a disturbing threat from the sex pest.
I was sat at my desk when I noticed someone had sidled up behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a distorted simulacrum of a face. Turning around I was repulsed by the sight of the pest’s deformed grin. He was […]
There seems to be a rash of birthdays in the office. Each day, for the past two weeks, there have been one or two birthdays. What is it with May? When you think about the average gestation period for humans that makes the hot sticky nights of August a rather erotic fun time.
I do enjoy […]
I am happy to announce that the unpleasant events of Friday evening were in no way my fault. After talking to a few people in the office it turns out that the person who threatened me has a reputation for being a sex predator. This is great news because I am now exonerated of any […]
Well, my Friday evening of loving possibility rapidly descended into disappointment and frustration, with an extra helping of violence and threat. I ran away and nothing happened. I told you so.
I was just reaching the optimum moment of opportunity to start my suave move; it was late, there were not many people around and I […]
I have the tiny sliver of a chance of getting together with a young lady this lovely sunny evening. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. She’s a Scandy; you all know how much I like those Northern women. She is also a singer and very tall. I think she has a special […]
I do not understand why random members of the public continue to assume that my name is Wayne Carr. That is not my name. I do not understand.
As I walk along the streets of Olde London Town, both gentlemen and ladies call to me, believing my name to be of the Carr variety. They stand […]
Napoleon Fantastic recently mentioned he has had some difficulty with his neighbours. They have been throwing empty beer cans over the fence into his well kept garden. It is a disgrace and oh so selfish and rude. But I feel Nap should thank his lucky stars when it comes to neighbours. I have not had […]
Is it just me or has cheese suddenly become very expensive? Apart from the excessive amount of bottles of wine, it is the most expensive item on my weekly shopping list. When did this happen? Is there an international cheese shortage that is being covered up? Has the cheese mountain finally collapsed?
A small block of […]
Why do I find it intrinsically hilarious when I see fat people fall over? It is side-splitting. I am giggling now just thinking about it. Whenever I feel a bit down in the dumps I just think of obese people slipping onto their bottoms in a variety of ridiculous ways. It is a comedy basic, […]
Well, I expressed my democratic right to vote today, in the London Mayor and Assembly elections. I hope that if any of you had the chance you voted too. It is something you should use and not squander. You got it then you must use it because a lot of people around the world do […]