Nelson Galaxy

Napoleon Fantastic recently mentioned he has had some difficulty with his neighbours. They have been throwing empty beer cans over the fence into his well kept garden. It is a disgrace and oh so selfish and rude. But I feel Nap should thank his lucky stars when it comes to neighbours. I have not had any issue with them on my frequent visits to Chez Napoleon. Although they do look at me like I was a space alien, but then most people do.

You should try living in a block of flats in that London Nap. The walls are so thin a sneeze can make me jump out of my trousers.

The people next door have a tiny baby, which chooses the early morning hours to have a loud, constant cry. The other side has switched their radio on loudly and do not switch it off. I think they may have gone away hoping the radio will deter thieves. It is so loud the walls vibrate. All it does is deter sleep and silence.

The people above do like their music, the same music, all the time, the same music. It just sounds like constant drums, over and over and over. The jungle music does not desist. Someone up there has also kindly purchased a pair of bongos, which they play merrily along to the drums. Oh the drums, the drums.

Downstairs, there are now living a family of Estonian clowns. They practise their routines nightly. I hear them falling over each other, blowing little whistles, throwing pies and making dogs out of balloons. In fact, they only communicate in whistles and honks. I often see them on the stairwell, with their red noses, face paint and frilly garish clothes, carrying small trampolines and blow up plastic hammers.

Would you like the clowns Napoleon, would you?