Nelson Galaxy

Is it just me or has cheese suddenly become very expensive? Apart from the excessive amount of bottles of wine, it is the most expensive item on my weekly shopping list. When did this happen? Is there an international cheese shortage that is being covered up? Has the cheese mountain finally collapsed?

A small block of mature cheddar is costing more than two pounds. Outrage. Have you tried eating the cheap cheese? Mmm, not good. Made from dog milk you know.

Over the Christmas period, I was in Tesco with Napoleon. He was buying the ingredients to a wonderful goat’s cheese starter. (“You can get cheese out of goats?” fast food Ed). He’s a rather brilliant cook I’ll have you know. I was paying though, of course. The cheese he bought from the deli counter cost me nearly six pounds. Six pounds? For flipping cheese? It was rather nice though.

On the subject of cheese, I heard one of the best ever chat up lines the other day. I witnessed a lad sidle his way up to a pretty girl in a bar. When he was in front of her he said, “Hi there, can I just ask if you like cheese?” She replied in the affirmative. He proceeded to extract a slither of cheese from his jacket pocket. The girl accepted the slice and they got on like a horse on fire. Yes, horse.

The next time I am attempting a bad chat up, which they always are, I will just use the cheese line. It works you know and my pockets are always full of some kind of cheese. Everyone likes cheese.