The Hot Bottle Water Trick
It is one am on Saturday morning. You have had more than a bottle of wine and are off to bed, it has been a long day. It is a bitter cold night and your alcohol-addled mind thinks it would be a brilliant idea to use your beloved hot water bottle.
You fill up the kettle, boil the water and then immediately pour it directly into the bottle. Adding it’s furry cover you place it at the bottom of the bed and then get under the covers yourself.
Placing your feet on the thinly covered scolding plastic you fall asleep, feeling blissful because you are nice and warm and cosy. However, awaking at nine am, with a splitting headache and gravely mouth, you discover that your foot is in great pain. Upon closer inspection you uncover something alien and magical that has appeared on your foot.
Magically, during the night, an apple sized, puss-filled sack has formed on your heel. Leaving the bed, you painfully discover you are unable to put any weight on the foot and the cyst feels like it will explode at any minute.
Where has this apparition come from? Is it magic, aliens or ghosts? Whichever it is, I have to say, “Please don’t do it again. It flipping hurts.”
4 Comments
I think it was the 10ft beer gorilla. He does things like that to me too.
I reckon it was a very small family of woodlice.
Hmm . . . it would have to be a large family, I reckon, Jo.
Have you seen the size of Nelson’s feet? It’s going to take an awful lot of those little critters to manoeuvre one of Mr Galaxy’s enormous clod-hoppers. Do don’t think these through, do you?
My feet aren’t that big, I just have very long toes. Anyway, you know what they say about men with big feet? Erm . . . big shoes.