Nelson Galaxy

George has got it into his little head that it is an amazing idea to create a Paul Young cover version band. He is pestering me everyday, trying to turn me onto the joy of Paul Young’s musical oeuvre. He is desperate for me to play guitar, Pip on bass and Bugsy to bash his drums. I believe this is a very bad idea. If nothing else, it is downright strange.

I do not like destroying a man’s dreams but this request seems rather abhorrent to me. George has put a lot of work into this. He has created a set list, sorted the costumes and organised a mini-tour of a chain of London-based Irish pubs. As much as I would like to perform live again, it would be good practice for the Nelson Galaxy tour, but this is just wrong.

I am not a particularly big fan of Luton born popular white soul singer Young. I only know a couple of his songs and my style does not really gel well. Aren’t the majority of his hits cover versions anyway? We would be a band doing cover versions of cover versions. This could rip a hole in the time/space continuum.

Most frightening of all are George’s suggestions for costumes. He wants the four of us to wear pink leather suits, with purple shoes and orange ties, silver tinsel wigs and black bowler hats. What kind of sick mind can come up with this?

Yes, we would look ridiculous, and yes, we would sound awful, but I do not think I can bear to see the look of disappointment on his little round, prematurely aged face.

“Nelson, we have to do this. There is a massive Paul Young shaped hole in the modern pop scene. I have so much ‘Love of the Common People’. Please, I beg you, join me. How can you not love his classic song ‘Wherever I Lay My Hat (That’s My Home)’?”
“George, that is a Marvin Gaye song, a league above Paul Young.”
“What did you call me?”
“Calm down George.”
“I do not look like Odd Job.”
“I didn’t say you did.”
“I LOVE THE COMMON PEOPLE!!!”
“Ooh, is that the time? See you later George.”

As George’s vitriolic spittle dried on my face I noticed one of the Steffans approaching my desk.

“Ah Nelson, I hear ze are forming a coverz band. I haf alvays wanted to be in a Madonna coverz group. Vill you join uz?”

“Oh dear God. Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!”