I see it all walking over the Millennium Bridge, I really do. Today there was a photo shoot for angular indie guitar band Dirty Pretty Things. The band is made up of a couple of ex-Libertines, whose former singer Pete Doherty can often be found lying on my East End door step, drunk, drugged and asleep. The drummer has been playing in a band I particularly like called We Are Scientists.
The photo session was no ordinary shoot though. The band were not standing around looking sheepish and awkward, oh no. The members of the band were not even present. They had been replaced by giant cardboard cut outs of themselves.
What a brilliant idea. Now bands do not need to get out of bed or leave the studio. Just use cardboard versions of yourselves. Busy in the studio but need to play the Barfly? All you need is a CD and your cardboard look-alikes. Send them out to tour the gig s**t holes of Britain and Europe. They can appear on Later, or the Album Chart Show. There would be no drugs or tantrums or artistic disagreements. No late nights or publicity junkets.
Be careful though. These cardboard simulacra may become famous in their own right. Fans would not be interested in the flesh and blood and breathing members. Groupies will want to sleep with the cut outs, less messy. Kids could emulate the look – there’s only one. You could spend time with them and not conclude they are an egotistical fool. Cardboard, it’s the future of rock ‘n’ roll.
After all, McFly have been getting away with it for years.
Look out for a giant cardboard Nelson Galaxy coming to a town near you.
3 Comments
Good post, Nel.
I think you have some excellent ideas there. I’m going to order my cut-out later today. Will I be able to send it in my place to the studio when I have to engineer a heavy metal band?
Sorry Nap, you’ll have to do the heavy metal bands. The profound aural nuances of heavy metal music need your expert ear. It isn’t just noise after all, is it?
Yes.