Nelson Galaxy

I returned to my flat to discover the front door ajar. I live alone so this was a real shock. I had a terrible sinking feeling of dismay and trepidation as my sphincter shrank to the size of a pea. I have been burgled before and I can assure you that it is a horrible experience, one that seemed as though it was repeating itself.

I gingerly pushed the door open, the culprits may still be in the flat, taking a dump on my bed or putting my toothbrush in unsavoury orifices or some other despicable criminality. I realised that there was someone in the kitchen. “Oh dear, I have no idea what to do,” I though. I was scared out of my wits.

“Ahhh, Mister Garazy, you are home. I happy to see you.”
“Mr Chan, what the heck are you doing here?”
“I need to check leak, you like cup of tea?”

Mr Chan is my landlord and he is always popping around of an evening to see if I have a leak. This is the first time he has let himself in. I was angry and perplexed and asked for an explanation, surely there is some law about this. He was very apologetic and explained that he had been trying to contact me all night (I’d left my mobile phone at home).

“There is water in flat downstairs, I need check you leak.”

I was secretly hoping he had prepared something to eat for me, some wonderful authentic Chinese delicacy but I was determined to remain angry. He said he had not found a leak and was off to check other flats. When he had left I noticed my wardrobe door was slightly open, the part of my wardrobe where I keep my drag clothes. Had I left it like that? Was I just being paranoid?

I had a terrible flash back to when I was growing up and a certain despicable fellow used to live with my mother. He would go through all my draws and cupboards. He discovered my cross-dressing secret at a time when I did not really understand it and wanted to keep it to myself. This gave him power over me, not a good thing.

Is my landlord now doing the same? Is he letting himself into my flat to go through my draws and wardrobe? What a total utter b*****d!