Nelson Galaxy

The BBC is on the brink of broadcasting its new series Ashes to Ashes. It stars Keeley Hawes as DI Alex Drake and Philip Glenister as DCI Gene Hunt (total Hunt). It will be set in the 1980s and the present day. I am really looking forward to it. I loved the previous two series of Life on Mars, staring John Simm as Sam Tyler. The dialogue interchanges between Hunt and Tyler were rather exceptional and some of the best TV writing I have ever experienced.

Look out for me in the new series. I do not officially “star” in the drama but I did accidentally stumble onto the set. I was on my lunch break and decided to take a walk past the Tate Modern, along the Thames. In front of me was a wall of people. “Bloody tourists,” I thought as I started to wade through the throng. After parting the human waves I exited, unexpectedly, into an open space inhabited by a screaming woman being held at knifepoint by a swarthy criminal type fellow. He held a sharp long-bladed knife against the woman’s neck and was issuing spittle-inflected threats.

“Quick Nelson, do something!” I probably screamed aloud.
“Cut. Who is that idiot girly-boy? He’s just ruined the shot. What a total ****,” shouted some invisible being.

I gradually became aware that I was encompassed by big movie cameras, spotlights, clapperboards, massive furry microphones and hundreds of extras and onlookers. With stupefaction I realised I had walked into the middle of a film set. It was a scene taking place in modern day London and I noticed Keeley Hawes, resplendent in a sexy black tight-fitting suit and heels, shaking her head at me in total and utter disgust. “Sorry,” I whispered as I was escorted away by a real policewoman.

Later that day, as I was walking home, they were still there. I had to negotiate my way through a gaggle of armed sandwich eating pretend SO19 policemen who were happily posing for photographs with a party of excitable Japanese school children. I again saw the wonderful Hawes, leaning on the railing of the Millennium Bridge. I caught her eye and she looked at me despairingly and shook her head. “You want me,” I mumbled as I strode past her.