Nelson Galaxy

Later today I will be off to the darkest, deepest reaches of Derbyshire, to enter the top class and brilliant recording studio of one of the UK’s best producer/sound engineers; one Napoleon Fantastic. However, before I get there I have the indignity of travelling on the National Express coach. This is always nothing less than an exceptionally unpleasant experience. There will be four and a half hours of intense discomfort and annoyance. I will attempt to read – this may be difficult.

People are selfish and do not have any manners, all intelligent individuals know this. Why are people determined to play their music so that everyone else on the coach can hear it? Do they think they are being generous by letting us share in the R&B/rap endurance? There is always a crying baby near by. The seats feel like they are made out of badly shaped concrete, with zero legroom. And why does the smelly fat man always sit next to me? Resting his ugly dribbling sweaty head on my shoulder. Personal space buddy, understand?

One wonderful journey saw the closure of the M1. The coach made a diversion that lasted for nine hours. No one was allowed off the coach, which was full. I lost all feeling in the lower part of my body and wondered if my spine had snapped.

Another adventure saw a paralytic tramp sneak onto the coach. He started setting fire to the seats and had a wee in the corner. The driver was informed and stopped at Milton Keynes. The tramp would not alight. We went nowhere, for four hours. Eventually another coach turned up and those for Mansfield were asked to join. However, this coach was for Leicester, we had been misinformed. It is not a nice experience spending the night at Leicester’s coach station.

I wonder what wonderful experiences are in store for me later. Flat tyre maybe, or an exploding engine? Hopefully the driver will be drunk and turn the coach on its side. At least the drivers are always friendly – not. Surly and rude more like.

So, dear reader, I shall be away for a while. I may not be able to write a post every day for I will be very busy recording my new album (on sale in the new year on Big Arena Records). There may be some drunken/hung over posts, but please bear with me.

See you soon xxxx